Breaking hearts has never looked so cool

barber10201989 @ 2009-12-02T09:23:00

2009-12-02T14:23:20Z

a read my own journal. i have a hard time believing i am this miserable. there's no way.

and then my mirror speaks with irreverence.

2009-11-09T06:18:32Z

i think i've had what just may be the worst birthday in 20 years.
worse then when i was six, and the red power ranger showed up when i wanted the black one.
aside from my better judgement i let my friends convince me to throw a party for myself.
and a lot of them ditched me.
and even though there were 25 or so people there, they for the most part weren't who i expected.
and i got incredibly drunk so i wouldn't remember.
and i'm starting to realize that i really don't have anyone i can count on.

and i need to do something different.
and i'm ready to leave.

urban life decays.

2009-10-15T05:23:11Z

my mother is dying of brian cancer.
my father is in denial.
i guess my way of coping is taking on more than i could ever handle.
my life is complete chaos.
in between chemo therapy and radiation, my mother chose to remodel.
half my house is in boxes and we don't have any furniture.
i swear i go to lunch more than i go to class.
i'm drinking in the middle of the day.
yesterday i spent 4 hours shopping for a kitchen table.
last week it was driving around long branch looking for available realestate.
the week prior it was shopping for clothes.
my road rage has reached a pinnacle.
working two jobs proved successful for burning me out.
all of this has gotten the better or me.
this may be the first semester i don't make deans list
and it's ripping my guts out to think about it.
i have some sort of fucked up academic perfection complex
and i'm really considering withdrawing from the three classes i'm not going to get A's in.
my birthday is in 5 days and i'm still waiting to get excited for it.
maybe ill stay 19. i'm just not where i thought i'd be at 20.

And at the bottom you'll find all our friends.

2009-09-14T03:41:11Z

The windshield in my car cracked today, wonderful. I swear, every car i get is cursed. Not to mention every time i get in the car, I can't help but have the feeling that i'm going to get in a major accident in the near future. It's really starting to freak me out, and I don't feel safe driving my car anymore. I want to get another SUV, and i think for now my dad and i are going to trade until i can pick something out.

On another note i'm really glad to be back in school. All my classes seem pretty easy, just thursdays are rough because i have class from 830 to 215 consecutively. I was able to work things out with work, so now i'm strictly stock and only work monday wednesdays and fridays and at Aber o tuesdays and thursdays.

My birthdays in a little over a month holler! I'm going to have a big party to celebrate, I want it to be cowboys and indians themed haha. I need to make some new friends, no ones around.

I wanna live a life from a new perspective.

2009-09-03T05:21:45Z

Monday night i drove home with my heated seats on and sunroof open. Summer is officially over.

I started my third week at Ed Hardy and I can honestly say i tried to stick it out but i'm putting my two weeks in tomorrow. I went back to Abercrombie on Tuesday and actually liked working there for the first time in months. Between the two jobs i'm working 52 hours this week, kill me.

after two months of being lazy and drinking excessively, I'm really focused on getting back in shape. i've been taking my NO2explode everyday and spending an additional hour at least on the tredmill at night. If only i can get a hold on my eating habits i'll be set. I'm giving the tanning a break, figured i'd let my skin grow back a bit.

School starts Tuesday and i'm really excited to go back.

but you were always a mess, you were always aloof, yeah, its awful I guess, but its the awful truth.

2009-06-22T19:49:13Z

So i've basically replied to almost every single job posted on craigslist. The next step is to tattoo my resume on my forehead. but i guess it paid off for the short term, i have a temp job unpacking boxes and setting up the new Faconnable outlet. maybe it will turn into something, cross you fingers. Abercrombie also decided to schedule me this week for 22 hours. which means that ill be working 45 hours across 4 days. well at least i'm working.

I went to KU this weekend with one of my friends. I got toldoff by a trashy bitch at gas station convenience store. i asked, "Do you guys have a bathroom," the dood responded, "its outside," she followed up with, "ummm helllloooooooooo."

Western Pennsylvania is Americas wasteland. I got really drunk and barely remember anything. I fought with my best friend about how it's better to be like the Bushes rather than the Kennedys. Yesterday i got text, "I hope you remember me, thanks for the drink," well at least i'm a gentleman. Meanwhile every person in PA sneezed on me with the justification of, "well everyone here is sick," in other news i'm sick as a dog.

I did my usual sunday stint and cruised the freehold mall. picked up a pair of Energy jeans, 2 v-necks and scarf at the Nordstrom mens sale. I got my sunglasses fixed for free, i was pleased. Someone told me this weekend that i am very judgemental and, "you have never done it to me but i've seen you do it to others, you just cant be around people that are different than you..." which i guess is true. i didn't even rebut it.

I have to get my workout done, hit up the artificial light, and head to Abercrombie by 6. I cant wait until Friday.

is it you or your parents in this income tax bracket.

2009-06-10T04:17:52Z

well i figure ill revive this a bit, and start writing again.

i saw a lot of different people this week. which is good, i think thats what i need in a way. i didn't get the job i was hoping for at Diesel. i was surprised and confused about it to be honest. i'm qualified, available, and lets face it, no one knows high-end retail like i do. the only thing i can think of is that Abercrombie gave me a bad reference. i think i'm going to quit, i'm really tired of it.

my iphone isn't working. i spent a half hour on the phone with customer service for them to end up making me an appointment at the apple store, when i got there it was news to them. niiiiice. meanwhile i drug my dad around the mall and showed him all the places i like to shop. my credit limit got raised to $1700.00. i celebrated by buying a pair of bordshorts. the economy loves me.

afterwords i went to sams club and tiki tan. i'm dark ha.

my aunt and uncle are visiting from florida. remind me to never go there, ever. talking or even listening to them, makes me look for ways to commit suicide. i went for my 4 mile run, day 3. i made it most the way before i felt like throwing up. i also swam laps after. improvement? i think so.

i'm investing all of my energy into a new car.

goals for the summer:
1. Get a different job
2. Make friends
3. Vehicle
4. Pay off my credit cards.

i think it's going to rain tomorrow. so much for going to the beach.

If you're feeling trapped or too attached, just remember you wanted this.

2009-06-07T20:33:41Z

My life is a fucking joke. Or a trainwreck. I haven't decided.

I'm bored. Everyday is repetative I sleep in, have breakfast, workout and go running. At some point during the day I'll go to tiki tan and to Nordstroms and ponder over clothing. If it's nice I'll go to the beach or maybe lay by my pool. At some point My father and I have the same dull conversation about politics and cars.

I've lost touch with both sides of my family. We don't get together, talk on the phone or even send cards. I drive past my cousins house allmost everyday in the summer but nver stop by. I heard he had a baby i hope that works out well for him. On Christmas my parents were away, I drank a bottle of bourbon. barely employed anymore. I've been averaging 9 hours a week. And after three years I'm still making just above minimum wage. I'm killing it academically and have made deans list both semesters. Commuting sucks, And I don't have any fun. But I never did want to dorm.

I rarely go out anymore. My friends have become boring. When I do socialize, I become so incredibly shitfaced I don't remember it the next day. In fact the only fun I have is driving on 195 with my windows down and my music loud.

I can't make decisions, appointments, plans, arrangements, you name it. I rely on other people too much. I cant buy clothes or food or pretty much anything without some elses imput.I desperately need new glasses. I drove off the road twice this week. The things I used to care about don't really seem to matter anymore. But it's the only way I know, so I go along with it. I'm so passive its ridiculous.

My therapist and I are taking a break until September. He actually thinks I'm more together than he is. I guess he's right. I've accomplished all of my goals. I have everything I could ever want. And somehow it's not enough. Maybe I'll trade my Acura in on a BMW or Infiniti. Maybe I'll go away to school. But what I really want is something different, to get out of my comfort zone, be someone else. But as long as I'm driving 45 minutes for Burberry boxers I don't see that happening anytime soon.

Posted via LiveJournal.app.

barber10201989 @ 2009-01-02T02:26:00

2009-01-02T07:30:01Z

this year went by so fast. it started off rocky, and i hit bottom, but i always land on my feet.

rip. 2008. welcome 2009.

here's to better things.

barber10201989 @ 2008-12-26T01:40:00

2008-12-26T06:41:41Z

reading this makes me realize how much i love myself. regardless of your opinion of me, you have to admit; i'm brilliant. fucking brilliant.

Everything is cut and dry.

2007-11-26T05:45:34Z

ok i'm really starting to think that im manic depressive. and of corse i come back here, everytime i'm feeling down.

have another drink and drive yourself home.

2007-08-08T05:19:36Z

i guess i'll start of by saying that this is possibly the last entry i'm going to write here. i've moved on and grown up so much and it's time to let go. with that said, i have really been enjoying this summer. i work a lot and i really want to get my own apartment but its pointless to commute to school everyday so i'll leave that to next year. i'm not particularly excited for senior year and i'm just planning on doing to bare minimum to graduate. honestly, i don't care weather or not i make friends this year. i have friends, and you know what, they treat me a lot better than any of my so-called "friends" from new egypt do. not to sound selfish, but i've come to the decision that i'm only doing things that beneifit me, and i'm not going out of my way for people that will only fuck me over the first chance they get. so really, if i haven't talked to you this summer weather on aim, myspace, where evvvvv, i prob. wont make much of an effort this year. on another note, i got my shed. for the year but i'm not going to post it because it is all wrong. i guess some things never change lol. i'm really excited to start applying to college(s) but nervous at the same time. well peace, i think i will going running.

barber10201989 @ 2007-06-27T22:50:00

2007-06-28T02:52:50Z

i really don't care about a lot of things anymore, i just want to live my life. people keep holding me back.

so put the mic back on the shelf.

2007-05-29T04:26:16Z

i had an awesome *6 day weekend:-D wednesday i went to the nose dr. and it looks like i have to get surgury. then i went and got my tux for prom, nothing like waiting to the last minuit. then hollister 5 - 10. what else is new. thursday i got a root canal in the morning, went tanning. Hollister 5 -10, and saw pirates of the caribbean 3 after. i didn't get home until about 2 to i didin't go to school friday. which was beautiful so i spent the whole day outside, followed by hollister 5 -10. err i hit a deer on the way home going at least 60 mph. not even a dent, god i love my car. saturday was identical, i went tanning in the morning, hollister again, 5 -10 and hit a deer on the way home, in almost the same spot. again, no damage. weird. sunday i was greeted by an angry line of people outside of Hollister for my 11- 4 shift. i seriously hate people who have nothing better to do on nice days than go to the mall. then i went to kristin's, and drove back to new egypt in prob the worst thunder storm ever. today i got up went tanning and got shit done. then i worked 5-10. time and half babaaaaaaaaaaaay. then i drove home and showered and all that. which brings me here. later nukkkahs.

dreams of mountains sunk beneeth the sea.

2007-05-24T02:20:06Z

i didn't go to school today. insted i went to a dr's appointment then to nordstroms to shop. infact i never go to school anymore. i really cant stomach it. i need summer asapppp. after i got home i didnt get called in to work so i went tanning and washed my truck. i have to go to the dentist tomorrow morning. i hope he writes me out for friday. i'm going runnng peace.

I take it slow because I have time

2007-04-23T04:23:25Z

everything is amazing as always. i can't wait until summer. school is really killing me. i have 40+ absences, but whatever i'm not going tomorrow. i got my hummer, a black h3. i got lost for 3 hours trying to find point pleasant last night. i've been sick, i guess i should go to the doctors this week. i neeeeeeeeeeeeeed a tuxedo for prom. my treadmill is broken and i cant get anyone out to fix it until sometime in may, fucking pisses me off. i am starting to get thin again, thanks to 9 hydroxycut a day. i want to go to the beach today and lay in the sun. well goodnight, o good moring. whatever you find appropriate
laterrrrrr.

It is time to move on from this.

2007-02-06T04:41:45Z

i've been sick. i think i have an ear infection.
someone stole my myspace pictures.
saturday i slipped on ice washing my car and was sure i broke my elbow.
i got my report card last week and my algebra grade is wrong.
someone followed me, from new egypt, to work friday night and carved a fucking X into the hood of my car.
i need to get the fuck out of this town.
i went to my therapist today, he asked me "how do these things make you feel?" at first i couldn't answer him, than i decided that i like the attention, and that it makes me smile because i obviously upset (by doing nothing) who ever is doing this more than they get to me. He gave me a dirty look. fuck me for being honest.

And i will grow from this.

i'm through being cool.

2006-12-10T01:06:30Z

everyhtng is good. school is good. work is good. today wasn't a good day. i got up at 10 to find out that someone decided to key the fuck out of my car, all four doors, trunk, roof, and hood. the whole car has to be repainted. nice fucking job. it really figures its the first night in 3 weeks it wasn't garaged. i dont get it, ok you keyed my car, im going to have it fixed. i guess im the only person who doesn't see what is accomplished other than wasting my time.

than some other things happened, and i really feel for everyone involved. no one deserves for that to happen. other than that i bought furniture for my room, i like it. i still need to buy a bed though, and a rug. i have things to do. later.

Schedual - 2006, 2007

2006-08-17T20:25:30Z

Semester 1
Block 1- P.E.
Block 2 - Art 1 / Marinari, Jonathan Intro. Television Production / Sohl, Kodi
Block 3B - Algebra 2 / Vogis, Marilyn
Block 4 - Junior Seminar / Knigge, Glen

Junior AA - Ng, Gee
Junior Lunch

Semester 2
Block 1 - French 3 / Geist, Renee
Block 2 - US History 2 / Brogan, Matthew
Block 3B - English 3 collage prep / Territo, Rebekah
Block 4 - Physics / Ng, Gee

comment if i have classes with you.

i was never one for losing.

2006-03-02T03:56:19Z

i never update this anymore. everything has been good. my dad is in Flordia for two weeks. school has been good. i'm a dork and get good grades these days, but w.e. i stayed home today, and slept until one. i worked for like 3 hours and then i went running. ok i am going to sleep. later.

it's not all sunglasses and autographs

2005-11-21T04:58:32Z

it's been allmost a month and i have been neglecting to update this. every thing is good, i don't fill like writing about everything that has happened. just thought i would let everyone know i am still alive.

barber10201989 @ 2005-08-26T21:28:00

2005-08-27T01:29:40Z

This is my schedual for this year, comment if you are in any of my classes.
Semester 1
1- Gym/Health
2- Geometry
3- Lunch/AA
4- US History 1
5- Sophomore Seminar

Semester 2
1- Freshman Seminar
2- English 2 Collage Prep
3- Lunch/AA
4- Chemestry
5- French 2

barber10201989 @ 2005-08-23T00:28:00

2005-08-23T04:29:54Z

my cat died.

Give me the words, you took as promises.

2005-08-08T02:14:44Z

Well i haven't updated this much this sumer. so i will fill everyone in. i go to the mall to much, and spend money that i shouldn't. i run 2 miles every night, and rarely go to sleep befor 3 am. i get up around 11 every morning and hang out by the pool. our house is under construction and it's a fucking pain in the ass. i moved into the downstairs room, and have a normal sized closet. my step sister is married.
we don't talk anymore, she dissed me at her wedding. i try not to say words like cunt anymore. my sister is a fucking cunt. fuck, i sliped. i cant believe its august allready.

barber10201989 @ 2005-07-31T16:15:00

2005-07-31T20:23:30Z

my step-sister is fat and ugly.
no one will ever mistake us as relatives.
the end